A Madonna by Any Other Name

I, a little late to the bandwagon, just finished the highly-regarded and highly-readable Freakonomics and am appalled that I had no idea Madonna Herself got a mention in the best-selling book until I came across Her name. Why was this not reported before? What a pleasant surprise to see Her name in the middle of all the economics and social data.

In this so-called exploration of "the hidden side of everything," the authors use facts to illuminate and possibly explain real world correlations, including the controversial theory that legalized abortion leads to reduced crime. One chapter deals with how parents name their children and what, if anything, this name says about the family's socioeconomic status.

On page 201, the authors write:

So where do lower-end families go name-shopping? Many people assume that naming trends are driven by celebrities. But celebrities actually have a weak effect on baby names. As of 2000, the pop star Madonna had sold 130 million records worldwide but hadn't generated even the ten copycat namings - in California, no less - required to make the master index of four thousand names from which the sprawling list of girls' names ... was drawn.

Maybe because some random named Madonna would have a lot of 'splaining to do. And how the hell does a mere mortal Madonna live up to her namesake?

Simple answer: she doesn't.

Very few are ballsy enough to name their kid as distinctively as Madonna. Plenty of parents will make up names - and boy do they, based on some of the laughable and truly bizarre monikers listed in this book - and butcher popular spellings before they model a child's name on a major celebrity, especially one as so very famous as our Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone.

Way to own a name, Madge!

Happy Coachella Eve

None of the Sahara Tent acts at Coachella are scheduled to be streamed online. This means Madge's fifty-minute set will not be beamed to your living room tomorrow evening.

Half of me is disappointed I won't get a preview of the Confessions Tour and see how She's looking.

The other half is stoked that there will be no video of Her performance floating around the Internet, tempting me to spoil the show. The festival organizers made that decision for me.

Now I'm not even going to read about the performance or hear the setlist. I'll look at pictures and pictures only!!!

Please help me be strong.

Caveat Emptor

I think there may be some confusion regarding Amazon listings for I'm Going to Tell You a Secret.

The title listed strictly as a DVD (and no attached CD) is scheduled for release June 6 and is markedly cheaper than the other. Sounds fishy. And yet it is regularly ranked much higher in the sales department than a second similarly titled disc.

The second title has a release date of June 20, and the cost is higher, even though it is listed as just an audio CD.

Neither mentions a DVD/CD combo. To make matters worse, Amazon is offering both products together for $38, meaning either there is a listing error ... or, well, I don't know.

Could the two together be the DVD/CD combo we had been hearing about? Do the people that have been ordering the cheaper, more popular disc really think they're getting both the DVD and CD for $13? Maybe there will be two versions: one with just a DVD, and one with DVD and CD?

Someone's getting fired for this. Until then, make sure you know what you're ordering.

A Visit with the Queen, Part 3: Re-Invention Tour I (MSG, NYC, 6/16/04)

It shouldn't have happened.

When Madonna's Re-Invention Tour rolled into New York in 2004, I had not planned on attending opening night, the first in a series of six nights at Madison Square Garden. Even though I had resisted seeing or hearing anything about the show, the buzz around opening night is always fun and would make waiting a few more days to see the show as planned that much more difficult. (Reminder: I don't do spoilers.)

My friend Connie and I worked together at this point, and she, though she had tickets with me and some friends for a few nights later, was itching to see the concert day-of. I agreed; we couldn't even wait four more days to see Madonna perform. (Connie, despite being a fan allegedly since she could barely speak, had never seen Her live, and I, for my part, was jonesing for my fix amid all the media hoopla regarding Her return to NYC.)

After a few late-afternoon phone calls, we had secured some tickets at a severely reduced rate, as one of the benefits of greedy scalpers when tickets go on sale is their need to unload them at the last minute. Jackasses.

Connie and I met some friends at a dive bar a few blocks away from MSG and, right around showtime, flitted past the enormous LED screen flashing the "sold out"edness of it all. Our first indication that this was a Madonna concert and not just some Knicks game or run-of-the-mill Penn Station rush hour crowd was the young man dolled up in full Madge-as-Marie-Antoinette regalia. Nope, definitely not a Pearl Jam performance tonight!

When the lights went out on the 18,000-plus crowd, Connie, along with everyone else, pretty much went nuts. And then, after The Beast Within ended, the Madonna Effect took hold as She rose from the stage. While Connie and our other friends experienced the "Holy shit, we're in the same room as Madonna" phenomenon, I was feeding off their excitement and also eagerly trying to figure out what songs were going to be performed.

To this day, I don't know if any tour performance knocked me out as much as Nobody Knows Me. Something about that kinetic dancing and robotic delivery coupled with the outrageous lighting really appeals to me: This is a Madonna no one has seen before. What an apt song.
Our seats were in the second section up from the floor, directly facing the stage. We didn't exactly see Her face but the experience of the decidedly lighter tour (versus, say, Drowned World) elevated the collective mood to the point of ecstasy. Like a Prayer and Material Girl utterly raised the roof while Papa Don't Preach, Crazy for You, and Into the Groove engaged in a photo finish for berserk fan reaction. Imagine totally threw me for a loop (thanks for keeping that a surprise, Con!), and overlooked gems from the American Life album, like Nobody Knows Me and the shoulda-been-a-contender Nothing Fails, rightfully got a fresh audience.

What more can be said about this box office smash and all-out extravaganza that hasn't already been endlessly detailed? My first time at Re-Invention was an orgy of sight and sound and, though not as intimate as seeing Madge on a talk show, a more intense, surreal connection to Madonna and a potent, visceral crowd experience nearing religious heights.

It shouldn't have happened. By Madge-ic happenstance, it did.

A Visit with the Queen, Part 3: Re-Invention Tour I (MSG, NYC, 6/16/04)

It shouldn't have happened.

When Madonna's Re-Invention Tour rolled into New York in 2004, I had not planned on attending opening night, the first in a series of six nights at Madison Square Garden. Even though I had resisted seeing or hearing anything about the show, the buzz around opening night is always fun and would make waiting a few more days to see the show as planned that much more difficult. (Reminder: I don't do spoilers.)

My friend Connie and I worked together at this point, and she, though she had tickets with me and some friends for a few nights later, was itching to see the concert day-of. I agreed; we couldn't even wait four more days to see Madonna perform. (Connie, despite being a fan allegedly since she could barely speak, had never seen Her live, and I, for my part, was jonesing for my fix amid all the media hoopla regarding Her return to NYC.)

After a few late-afternoon phone calls, we had secured some tickets at a severely reduced rate, as one of the benefits of greedy scalpers when tickets go on sale is their need to unload them at the last minute. Jackasses.

Connie and I met some friends at a dive bar a few blocks away from MSG and, right around showtime, flitted past the enormous LED screen flashing the "sold out"edness of it all. Our first indication that this was a Madonna concert and not just some Knicks game or run-of-the-mill Penn Station rush hour crowd was the young man dolled up in full Madge-as-Marie-Antoinette regalia. Nope, definitely not a Pearl Jam performance tonight!

When the lights went out on the 18,000-plus crowd, Connie, along with everyone else, pretty much went nuts. And then, after The Beast Within ended, the Madonna Effect took hold as She rose from the stage. While Connie and our other friends experienced the "Holy shit, we're in the same room as Madonna" phenomenon, I was feeding off their excitement and also eagerly trying to figure out what songs were going to be performed.

To this day, I don't know if any tour performance knocked me out as much as Nobody Knows Me. Something about that kinetic dancing and robotic delivery coupled with the outrageous lighting really appeals to me: This is a Madonna no one has seen before. What an apt song.
Our seats were in the second section up from the floor, directly facing the stage. We didn't exactly see Her face but the experience of the decidedly lighter tour (versus, say, Drowned World) elevated the collective mood to the point of ecstasy. Like a Prayer and Material Girl utterly raised the roof while Papa Don't Preach, Crazy for You, and Into the Groove engaged in a photo finish for berserk fan reaction. Imagine totally threw me for a loop (thanks for keeping that a surprise, Con!), and overlooked gems from the American Life album, like Nobody Knows Me and the shoulda-been-a-contender Nothing Fails, rightfully got a fresh audience.

What more can be said about this box office smash and all-out extravaganza that hasn't already been endlessly detailed? My first time at Re-Invention was an orgy of sight and sound and, though not as intimate as seeing Madge on a talk show, a more intense, surreal connection to Madonna and a potent, visceral crowd experience nearing religious heights.

It shouldn't have happened. By Madge-ic happenstance, it did.

Me So Excited!

See if you can spot the glaring mistake in the following announcement from Madonna's official site:

Madonna's new single announced!

Us, at Madonna.com, are happy to confirm that the third single to be taken from Madonna's Confessions On A Dance Floor album is Get Together!!! The official release date for this new single is to be announced very soon. The maxi-single will includes remixes by Jacques Lu Cont, Danny Howells, Tiefschwarz and James Holden. Keep checking Madonna.com for more related info!

Sure, the grammar is off. (Methinks they meant "We.") Fuddy-duddy English teachers everywhere are chalking this up to the typical mind-numbing trickle-down effects of that wild rock 'n' roll music on impressionable youth. Someone get a copy editor, stat!

No, the most egregious error: Get Together is being released instead of Jump?!?

Today in Madonna History

On April 26, 1994 - or, twelve years, nine albums, three tours, two kids, and umpteen reinventions ago - Madonna attended the L.A. premiere for the film With Honors. Although Madge did not appear in the Joe Pesci-Brendan Fraser starrer (verdict: $20 million box office), Her haunting theme song, I'll Remember, became another entry in a long line of soundtrack-derived hits. The tune reached #2 on the Billboard charts, denied the top slot by All-4-One's ballad "I Swear."

Who remembers All-4-One nowadays?

Maddy From the Block

A word to the wise: be very judicious when it comes to buying tickets on everyone's favorite online auction site.

We've all heard the horror stories about so-and-so's concert-bound friend of a friend whose joyous evening came to a crashing halt when the venue gatekeepers used the scanner and asked the ticketholder to step aside.

Heed those urban legends. They are real, and this is a serious problem. (Cue ominous organ music.)

Forget the hustlers who hawk tickets in front of the venues on game night. eBay is the new haven for scalpers. With only a bar code separating the "have"s and "have not"s, it is easy to reproduce many copies of an actual ticket. The ticket, whether a copy or real, can be scanned at the venue exactly once, allowing only one single person with the bar code to enter. The rest, whoever comes later with the same bar code, get turned away. An expensive and humiliating shut-out.

I have been monitoring many of the Madonna ticket auctions on eBay, because (a) I have too much free time, (b) maybe a trustworthy diamond in the rough will pop up, and, yes, (c) I am a glutton for punishment and want to see if people are actually scoring amazing front-row seats for less than what I paid.

I've asked some of the dubious online sellers for a full scan of the ticket. Most could not comply, whether because the "the ticket for sale had not yet arrived in the mail," "the ticket itself must remain private," or, oh, I don't know, THE FACT THAT THEY WILL BE SENDING A BOGUS COPY OF SAID TICKET!

Be warned.

Let's stop and think. What would Madonna do?

Review the seller's feedback and see if any previous buyer has had a complaint. One negative sale is one too many in my book. Has the seller trafficked in concert tickets before?

Ask lots of questions. Decent sellers with nothing to hide welcome inquisitive prospective buyers. You need to know everything about that seat down to the angle from which you'll see Her thighs.

Make sure to read the fine print. A lot of sellers use the term "front row" as a lure when the seats might actually be in the front row of sections far back from the stage. False advertising or shrewd marketing?

Still scrounging for tickets and are wary of eBay? It's always advisable to keep checking TSTSNBN for updates as tickets, or so we're told, are released in fits and starts as the date approaches.

You might also try a broker since they're hoarding the damn tickets, and you really have no choice at this stage of the game. Sure, you'll get gouged, but, hey, at least you can rest easy that you have a functioning ticket and not some fake barcode buzzkill.

There are always radio contests, which represent excellent seating on the floor, though the odds are slim to none that you'll be caller 100 after Holiday airs. You think high school kids have better things to do when they're not experimenting with sex and drugs than to listen to the radio all day and wait for contests? They live for this shit, man. Move on.

Just don't resign yourself to defeat. O ye of little faith, you'll get to see the show. Somewhere out there is a bar code with your name on it.

Flashback Photo Essay: Blond Ambition World Tour (1990)

Everybody (Intro)
Express Yourself
Open Your Heart
Causing a Commotion
Where's the Party
Like a Virgin
Like a Prayer
Live to Tell
Oh Father
Papa Don't Preach
Sooner or Later
Hanky Panky
Now I'm Following You Parts 1 & 2
Material Girl
Cherish
Into the Groove
Vogue
Holiday
A Family Affair (Intro)
Keep It Together

4/13/90 Tokyo, Chiba Marine Stadium
4/14/90 Tokyo, Chiba Marine Stadium
4/15/90 Tokyo, Chiba Marine Stadium
4/20/90 Osaka, Japan, Nishinomya Stadium
4/21/90 Osaka, Japan, Nishinomya Stadium
4/22/90 Osaka, Japan, Nishinomya Stadium
4/25/90 Yokohama, Japan, Yokohama Stadium
4/26/90 Yokohama, Japan, Yokohama Stadium
4/27/90 Yokohama, Japan, Yokohama Stadium
5/4/90 Houston, The Summit
5/5/90 Houston, The Summit
5/7/90 Dallas, Reunion Arena
5/8/90 Dallas, Reunion Arena
5/11/90 Los Angeles, L.A. Sports Arena
5/12/90 Los Angeles, L.A. Sports Arena
5/13/90 Los Angeles, L.A. Sports Arena
5/15/90 Los Angeles, L.A. Sports Arena
5/16/90 Los Angeles, L.A. Sports Arena
5/18/90 Oakland, Coliseum
5/19/90 Oakland, Coliseum
5/20/90 Oakland, Coliseum
5/23/90 Chicago, Rosemont Horizon
5/24/90 Chicago, Rosemont Horizon
5/27/90 Toronto, SkyDome
5/28/90 Toronto, SkyDome
5/29/90 Toronto, SkyDome
5/31/90 Detroit, The Palace of Auburn Hills
6/1/90 Detroit, The Palace of Auburn Hills
6/4/90 Worcester, MA, The Centrum
6/5/90 Worcester, MA, The Centrum
6/8/90 Landover, MD, Capital Center
6/9/90 Landover, MD, Capital Center
6/11/90 Uniondale, NY, Nassau Coliseum
6/12/90 Uniondale, NY, Nassau Coliseum
6/13/90 Uniondale, NY, Nassau Coliseum
6/16/90 Philadelphia, The Spectrum
6/17/90 Philadelphia, The Spectrum
6/20/90 E. Rutherford, NJ, Brendan Byrne Arena
6/21/90 E. Rutherford, NJ, Brendan Byrne Arena
6/24/90 E. Rutherford, NJ, Brendan Byrne Arena
6/25/90 E. Rutherford, NJ, Brendan Byrne Arena
6/30/90 Goteborg, Sweden, Eriksberg Stadium
7/3/90 Paris, Bercy Stadium
7/4/90 Paris, Bercy Stadium
7/6/90 Paris, Bercy Stadium
7/10/90 Rome, Stadio Flamino
7/13/90 Turin, Stadio Dell'Alpi
7/15/90 Munich, Reimer Reitstadion
7/17/90 Dortmund, Germany, Westfallen-Halle
7/20/90 London, Wembley Stadium
7/21/90 London, Wembley Stadium
7/22/90 London, Wembley Stadium
7/24/90 Rotterdam, Feyenoord Stadium
7/27/90 Madrid, Estadio Vicente Calderón
7/29/90 Vigo, Spain, Estadio Balaídos
8/1/90 Barcelona, Estadio Olímpico
8/5/90 Nice, Stade de l'Ouest

Flashback Photo Essay: Blond Ambition World Tour (1990)

Everybody (Intro)
Express Yourself
Open Your Heart
Causing a Commotion
Where's the Party
Like a Virgin
Like a Prayer
Live to Tell
Oh Father
Papa Don't Preach
Sooner or Later
Hanky Panky
Now I'm Following You Parts 1 & 2
Material Girl
Cherish
Into the Groove
Vogue
Holiday
A Family Affair (Intro)
Keep It Together

4/13/90 Tokyo, Chiba Marine Stadium
4/14/90 Tokyo, Chiba Marine Stadium
4/15/90 Tokyo, Chiba Marine Stadium
4/20/90 Osaka, Japan, Nishinomya Stadium
4/21/90 Osaka, Japan, Nishinomya Stadium
4/22/90 Osaka, Japan, Nishinomya Stadium
4/25/90 Yokohama, Japan, Yokohama Stadium
4/26/90 Yokohama, Japan, Yokohama Stadium
4/27/90 Yokohama, Japan, Yokohama Stadium
5/4/90 Houston, The Summit
5/5/90 Houston, The Summit
5/7/90 Dallas, Reunion Arena
5/8/90 Dallas, Reunion Arena
5/11/90 Los Angeles, L.A. Sports Arena
5/12/90 Los Angeles, L.A. Sports Arena
5/13/90 Los Angeles, L.A. Sports Arena
5/15/90 Los Angeles, L.A. Sports Arena
5/16/90 Los Angeles, L.A. Sports Arena
5/18/90 Oakland, Coliseum
5/19/90 Oakland, Coliseum
5/20/90 Oakland, Coliseum
5/23/90 Chicago, Rosemont Horizon
5/24/90 Chicago, Rosemont Horizon
5/27/90 Toronto, SkyDome
5/28/90 Toronto, SkyDome
5/29/90 Toronto, SkyDome
5/31/90 Detroit, The Palace of Auburn Hills
6/1/90 Detroit, The Palace of Auburn Hills
6/4/90 Worcester, MA, The Centrum
6/5/90 Worcester, MA, The Centrum
6/8/90 Landover, MD, Capital Center
6/9/90 Landover, MD, Capital Center
6/11/90 Uniondale, NY, Nassau Coliseum
6/12/90 Uniondale, NY, Nassau Coliseum
6/13/90 Uniondale, NY, Nassau Coliseum
6/16/90 Philadelphia, The Spectrum
6/17/90 Philadelphia, The Spectrum
6/20/90 E. Rutherford, NJ, Brendan Byrne Arena
6/21/90 E. Rutherford, NJ, Brendan Byrne Arena
6/24/90 E. Rutherford, NJ, Brendan Byrne Arena
6/25/90 E. Rutherford, NJ, Brendan Byrne Arena
6/30/90 Goteborg, Sweden, Eriksberg Stadium
7/3/90 Paris, Bercy Stadium
7/4/90 Paris, Bercy Stadium
7/6/90 Paris, Bercy Stadium
7/10/90 Rome, Stadio Flamino
7/13/90 Turin, Stadio Dell'Alpi
7/15/90 Munich, Reimer Reitstadion
7/17/90 Dortmund, Germany, Westfallen-Halle
7/20/90 London, Wembley Stadium
7/21/90 London, Wembley Stadium
7/22/90 London, Wembley Stadium
7/24/90 Rotterdam, Feyenoord Stadium
7/27/90 Madrid, Estadio Vicente Calderón
7/29/90 Vigo, Spain, Estadio Balaídos
8/1/90 Barcelona, Estadio Olímpico
8/5/90 Nice, Stade de l'Ouest

My Baby's (Finally) Got a 'Secret'

By now, it's not quite a secret that Madonna's recent documentary, I'm Going To Tell You a Secret, is being released on DVD June 6. (Okay, no more "secret" puns.)

The film, famously rejected by the Cannes Film Festival and forced down a long and winding road of distribution woes, premiered on MTV last October. While certainly no Truth or Dare, I don't know if being relegated to basic cable TV is what this doc deserved.

Billed as a look behind the scenes of 2004's Re-Invention Tour, the movie valiantly strives to be a companion piece to Truth, showing us how Madonna has grown spiritually since the bottle-fellating days of yore. Less a sequel than a footnote to the 1991 landmark, however, Secret nonetheless does a serviceable job of providing snapshots of the important players in Madonna's life, from hubby Guy and Her adorably irascible kids to the dancers on the tour. The latter inclusion seems to be an attempt to shoehorn Truth into this new context, but, regrettably, the viewer is not allowed to linger on any personality too long.

And until we get a DVD of the Re-Invention Tour, we'll have to settle for our bootleg videos and the oddly-edited snippets featured in this doc. The chills-inducing preview for the doc MTV aired during the 2005 VMAs, thirty seconds of Her performing Nobody Knows Me, encapsulated the film's most exciting and arguably more powerful moments: the showmanship. The full tour, though, deserves its own feature, devoid of camera tricks and liberal slicing of footage. How, pray tell, am I supposed to review the show for my next column, a retrospective of Madge's previous six tours?

Madonna fans are used to not getting Her tours immediately on DVD - or even at all. The iconic Blond Ambition never made it past laserdisc, save for segments included in Truth or Dare. And not only has The Virgin Tour languished exclusively on VHS for 20 years, it has the added insult of being bereft of three numbers (Angel, Borderline, and Burning Up).

As yet another Madonna-related artifact to put in the time capsule, this film is revelatory in its creators' (Madonna, director Jonas Akerlund, et al.) credo to show Madonna's current headset. Some will find it heavy-handed and almost preachy, but, taken as a whole, being Madonna, we know it's a performance. Just imagine Madge as circus barker, crying, "Come for the music, stay for sermons on 'the Light'!"

I'll happily take what we can get on June 6.

Hit Me, Baby, One More Time

As of 10:40 AM this morning, just three weeks into its humble career, A Madge and Me and You celebrated its 2,000th hit!

Although not quite as seismic as Madonna's tie with Elvis for most Top 40 hits (that would be 47 hits of a different variety), it's a milestone all the same.

Thank you all for visiting and for your support of terrifyingly tireless devotion! If I could hook all of you up with tickets like I did one subscriber, I totally would.

Totally.

Where is the Love?

I did everything you're supposed to do when getting tickets for a hot concert.

I had TSTSNBN on the phone at 8:55 AM and kept holding for an agent until 9:00.

I had two computers open with two browsers logged into the site with my account information primed.

When the agent came on, I had him check for floor seats whilst I did the de rigeur 2 seats-$354.50 price range-floor seating / scrambled word deal on the computers. ("Strew" and "whinge," for those keeping track.)

The best anyone came up with? A single ticket in Section 12 on the floor. And then nothing moments later. Done.

Were there really 5,000 bigger yet remarkably blog-free fans in the NYC metro area poised, or is something insidious occurring?

Mighty G-Lock has struck out. Only one show - okay, maybe two if I dip into my "insurance pair" for 6/29 - will have to do.

You've won this battle, Ticketmaster! But you certainly have not won the war!

A Visit with the Queen, Part 2: Late Show with David Letterman (NYC, 11/11/03)

It was an average blah November work day. I was in the office and received a phone call from Beth, a friend who was then working as a casting director.

"You hear who's in town?" she asked.

Sure, I knew. I was keenly aware Madonna was doing the publicity rounds for Mr. Peabody's Apples, Her second children's book.

"Yep. Madonna is here," I sullenly replied.

"Did you hear She is going to be on 'Letterman'?" Beth sweetly inquired, reminding me that Madge was scheduled to appear on Late Show with David Letterman, a notoriously tough last-minute ticket.

I said, "Yeah, the VCR is set," resigned to my depressing cubicle at the corner of 42nd Street and Humdrum.

She paused. "Do you want to go?"

I replied, "Don't rub it in. Of course I would kill to go."

"No, I mean, DO YOU WANT TO GO? I have tickets."

I jumped up and screeched. So loudly and terribly did I screech, in fact, that my colleagues ran out of their offices in horror to make sure someone hadn't been murdered or an animal mangled. Nope, it was just me profusely thanking Beth and making her swear up and down that her connection to tickets had come through (Perk of Employment in the Entertainment Industry #146).

Madonna and David Letterman have a great rapport that has produced some memorable interviews dating back to 1988 (when she dropped in on him and Sandra Bernhard), not to mention one of the most talked about late-night sit-downs ever. Would Madonna reprise her goofy, expletive-laden appearance from 1994? Or would she perhaps sing like she had in 2000 with a sweet, acoustic Don't Tell Me?









My boss, an angel and enabler of my Madonna habit - as all of my supervisors have been (Perk of Employment in the Entertainment Industry #548) - let me leave several hours early to attend the taping a few blocks away. Beth and I arranged to meet up outside of the Ed Sullivan Theater an hour beforehand, thinking we might check in with the gloriously overpowered interns who dole out tickets and then late-lunch.

Instead of grabbing a bite to eat until showtime, we lulled around the stage door, like gawking tourists (but without the tacky autograph books poised), pressed against the barricade, waiting for Madge to pull up and dart into the side entrance. When the time came to head into the theater, Madge had still not arrived (oh, the diva tardiness!), so we gave up our positions along the side door entrance and scampered inside to take our seats. We reasoned, Why wait outside and risk losing entrance to the show for just watching Her walk out of a car and into a door?

The Letterman show is shot in real time, for the most part, so it zips along quickly once it starts. By the time the warm-up comic had finished mustering some crowd energy, and Dave was ready to do his monologue, Madonna had already appeared on-screen in a brief backstage skit with Dave, tipping us off that, yes, She was in the building. Repeat: Madonna is in the building.

When She was introduced after the commercial, the audience predictably went crazy. Beth and I whooped and hollered with everyone else, focusing all our attention on the little blonde woman with the cream top and hot boots.

The interview was not momentous in the "Madonna just dropped the 'F' bomb a dozen times!" ways of Her past, but Dave managed to ask Her about the kiss with Britney at the VMAs two months prior and blanketed the room with a palpable tension when he asked Madonna to compare Her current marriage to Guy with Her marriage to Sean Penn. She in kind gave Dave grief for not proposing marriage to the mother of his newborn.

I must say I didn't particularly pay attention to what was being said as much as I was fixated on Madonna Herself, zeroing in on Her mannerisms and seeing how She behaved during breaks (speaking to an assistant, asking for a coat to warm up on the chilly set). Those are the moments that are never captured on television and can easily be wiped from memory if you're not paying attention.

Her book plugged and ample wit crackling in the ether, She left the stage with a wave to the audience to make way for a commercial break ... All but disappearing from the public eye - and mine and Beth's, at least - until the next summer's Re-Invention Tour.

They Shoot Aging Pop Stars, Don't They?

If you listen to the indie buzz, now is about the time Madonna should start to quake in Her designer boots. Only ten days remain until what has been touted as Her first festival performance, next Sunday's gig at Coachella. Should She be worried the jaded hipsters will turn up their nosejobs at Her?

Nonsense.

Sure, She's never quite been "alternative" in the strict sense of the term. With all her dance cred, however, She is given a free pass to share a bill with stalwarts Massive Attack and Daft Punk. Any detractors guised as festival purists are caught in a Catch-22: If Madonna is "irrelevant," then surely she's not "mainstream," making Her a perfect candidate for the festival, no?

You can bet fans and pooh-poohers alike will line up for most of the day to get into the small "dance tent" venue where Madge will preview a scaled-down segment of the Confessions Tour, reportedly the same set list as Her G-A-Y and KoKo shows from last November. At $85 admission for a full day, Coachella Sunday will be a relative bargain for those who balked at the tour ticket prices.

At the risk of exposing my innocent mind to spoilers, I still plan to check out the performance. (How elaborate could the gig actually get?) Make sure to tune in to the live stream of the event, courtesy yet another indie mainstay, AT&T.

Madonna Makes 48

No, you didn't fall asleep and wake up in August, when Madge really does turn the big four-eight.

The Confessions Tour now has 48 confirmed dates. Even more are expected to percolate, too, in the coming days as NYC and L.A. go back on sale. Rumors about other countries beyond Europe being added to the trek have been tamped down a bit, but they persist. Wishful thinking or accurate industry scuttlebutt?

To close, a morsel from our friends at Billboard:

With a gross potential in the $200 million range, Confessions could be the top-grossing tour ever for a female artist. In 2004, Madonna's Re-Invention tour grossed $125 million and drew more than 900,000 fans to 56 shows.

Come on, girl. You set the bar at 56 shows in '04. Only eight to go!